How to resolve disagreements in marriage without yelling
Before the conversation, meet basic needs such as water, food, and sleep. Stick to the topic for which there is a problem and do not mention past mistakes. Don't blame the other person but say how you feel.
If you think that ignoring arguments and brushing words under the carpet creates a harmonious relationship, you are wrong. Arguing with your partner can have many benefits for your relationship as long as you and your loved one do so in a constructive and loving way.
Arguments are a common occurrence in relationships, and in order to discuss the problem normally and solve it in the best possible way, you should follow these tips:
1. Schedule a time and place to discuss problems
If you feel that things are starting to heat up, you should choose a time and place to discuss the problem. Bring up your problems and talk about them normally. Do not raise your voice or turn every conversation into angry shouting.
2. Take care of your basic needs
First, make sure you are ready to have a conversation or a constructive argument. Arguing with a loved one is an extremely difficult thing that we must be prepared for. That's why experts advise people to make sure their basic needs, such as food, water, air, and sleep, are met before going through a difficult conversation.
3. Stick to the topic and don't bring up the past
During an argument, you are likely to bring up past mistakes and turn the topic to other issues you planned to talk about later. But that only makes it worse because you have to deal with one thing at a time. Instead, stick to the topic and discuss the current situation, and once you've dealt with the first issue, you can address the second one in different circumstances.
4. Listen carefully before you speak
When your partner says something, you don't agree with, you're likely to say something right back. But it's best to listen until your partner stops talking. By doing so, you show him respect, willingness to cooperate, and most importantly, the act of listening to your partner. Also, remember that proper body language can tell them whether you are listening or not.
5. Don't blame the other
One easy but very effective technique is to use 'I' instead of 'you'. In other words, saying, 'You didn't come to my friend's birthday party is a lot different than saying, 'I was sad because you didn't come to my friend's birthday party.' This helps to share your feelings without blaming anyone.
6. Avoid 'always' and 'never'
Once someone starts using generalizing words like 'always' and 'never', they automatically exaggerate the situation, putting the other person on the defensive. This situation can be avoided if you focus on sharing your feelings calmly, or perhaps use less aggressive words, such as 'occasionally'.
7. Make your criticism constructive
Criticism is a normal part of a relationship because the person in front of you may have many flaws and some unacceptable behaviors. However, when you express your frustrations with harsh verbal attacks, you rob your partner of self-esteem and create emotional distance between the two of you.
Instead, communicate in a friendly way that focuses on the behavior itself, not the person in front of you.
8. Be aware of your emotions
Arguments are difficult and if we don't learn to control our emotions during difficult times, we could destroy the relationship and the relationship. We must learn to control our emotions and be aware of them, especially in difficult moments. This is why meditation is highly praised among relationship experts.
9. Break can be good
If you are arguing, things can escalate. When you reach boiling point, take a break. In this case, it is best to take a break from the discussion to cool down and resolve the conflict in a polite way. Experts say that the break should not be longer than 24 hours, otherwise things will simply be swept under the rug.
10. Mirroring
Mirroring someone refers to the act of adopting that person's posture, gestures and words. In this way, we can find out what other side experience. When this happens, you both feel a form of empathy, comfort, and trust towards each other.
11. You should work together
When you choose to be with someone, you put your ego aside when solving problems, which means you don't really focus on who is right and who is wrong, but you both work together to solve the problem. Everything gets better when you admit that you are teammates, not enemies.
12. Set mutual rules for your arguments
After a few arguments, we begin to learn to understand each other and respect each other's boundaries. For example, your partner might not like being interrupted or someone leaving in the middle of an argument, and you hate being constantly blamed. Next time, you'll both avoid those hurtful behaviors and set rules about how you want to talk about things
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